A few weeks back my lowlife brother called me because he was reaping what he had sown over 15 years before. His life had, once again, been turned upside down and inside out by his own degenerate actions. He was crying, suicidal and hopeless.
My brother is a dirt bag. He is a drug addict, a womanizer and a thief. He has repeatedly stolen from our retired, senior citizen mother to get loaded, leaving her to pay the debt. He is selfish and arrogant to the core. He wrecks everything he touches. He uses people to get what he wants. He is an adulterer, a jerk, a pervert and a liar.
Even I want to kick his butt for what he has done to people. I leave my family in the dark about much of it because to reveal even a little would cause worlds of pain. Because there is still the possibility of legal action being taken against him, I can’t be too specific here. With all that being said let me also say: I love him! He is my brother. He is my flesh and blood.
I know him better than any other person alive. Because I am simultaneously his sponsor, therapist and priest, I hear it all. I know the nauseating details of where, when and with whom. There is nothing that he cannot and has not told me about his life.
When I got the call from Rob, part of me was thinking, “Oh, please, here we go again.” I wanted to tell him to kiss off, that he deserved any and all trouble he was getting, but I didn’t. Instead, I tried to calm him down. I tried to reassure him that everything was going to be all right. I tried to help him make sense of his world and the days to come. In spite of my own outrage and anger I simply loved him.
This wasn’t easy. It was work! I was constantly trying to keep him from escaping reality into a drug induced nirvana, counseling him on his next move (not killing himself) and reassuring him of God’s forgiveness.
Even though all I had to do was “talk” with Rob, every conversation took a toll on me. I grew exhausted. Even though my own life is full of complexity and trouble, I never took a break.
Over the course of several days we were in constant communication. I carried my cell phone on me at all times; while at home, at church and at work (which is not allowed). I took his call anytime he needed me. I talked with him in my car, in the stockroom of my work, and just before leading our church community in communion. Over a three-day period we connected about thirty five times.
Sometimes Rob would try to get me involved. “Would you speak to them for me?” he would ask. “Could you call and straighten things out for me? They will listen to you!” he would plead. Though he may have been right, I didn’t step into it. I know that I could have helped the situation and even alleviated some of his pain. However, I chose not to. He needed to stand on his own two feet. He needed to straighten things out on his own. He mixed his own cocktail and now he had to drink it. There were issues of ownership, responsibility and accountability in play.
As I was dealing with Rob, I couldn’t help but wonder if this is how God feels sometimes about his creation. I read Romans 5:8, “But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.” The Message puts the same verse like this, “ But God put his love on the line for us by offering his Son in sacrificial death while we were of no use whatever to him.”
The amazing part of this verse can be found in God’s action of sending the Christ so that we might be reconciled to God before we even cared about God! “While we were still sinners…” the NIV reads, “…Christ died for us!” (exclamation mine) God acted on our behalf, gave his love to us, despite our repeated and ongoing rejection of him. God loves sinners and dirt bags like Rob!
It’s one thing to love others who love you, however, it is completely different to love those who hate you, don’t want your love and could care less if you existed or not.
When we turn and go crawling back to God, the trip is never very long. As we turn our backs on him and walk away it seems as if God creeps up behind us -- not to scare us or to pounce on us when we screw up, not even to laugh at us when we fall -- to pick us up and nurse our wounds when we are confronted by the reality of our own wisdom and choices.
Five different times, The Psalms record the writer(s) plea for God not to be far from him (22:11; 19, 35:22, 38:21, and 71:12). On the flip side, King David writes in Psalms 145:18-19, “The Lord is near to all who call upon Him, to all who call upon Him in truth. He will fulfill the desire of those who fear Him; He will also hear their cry and will save them.” God is the constant lifeline waiting to be grabbed in a moment of crisis.
This was driven home to Rob as he struggled to understand how God could still love him and not condemn him to Hell straight away. His grave circumstances insured in Rob’s mind God’s total rejection of him. But this was not the truth; joy truly does come in the morning or in a few mornings (Psalms 30:5).
It is not God’s general practice to remove us from the effects of our bad decisions. He may save our soul, but not our pride, our finances or our life. This is all laid out in the sowing and reaping analogy in the Gospels. This is not proof that God is mean or cruel, but just the opposite. By allowing us to face the consequences of our decisions and disciplining us when needed, God is again showing his love for us.
What kind of father does not discipline his children? A father who does not truly love his children, the author of Hebrews writes. God’s discipline is for our holiness, not for our torture or his amusement.
It turns out that because my brother reaped the whirlwind he has turned to find God standing with open arms, offering peace, security and hope. There is still a long journey to undergo with many perilous corners, potholes and forks, but Rob has moved closer to God as a result of his latest devastation.
So, as I love Rob through his journey, I can’t help feeling that I have moved closer to God too. Through this whole ordeal it is clear that God is ever responsive to our cries for help, unending in his mercy and undeniable in his love.
In this I can take comfort: God loves Rob. He loves the dirt bags, the dregs, the scum and the rebels: Noah the drunk (Genesis 9:21), Abraham the liar (Genesis 12:12; 20:2), David the adulterer (2 Samuel 11:4), Solomon the womanizer (1 Kings 11:3), Zaccheus the cheat (Luke 19:7-8), Peter the hothead (John 18:10) and Paul the murderer (Acts 9:1; 22:4; 26:10).
I personally find solace in believing He can love an angry, judgmental, bitter, egoistical, self-centered, lustful, lazy, immoral, neglectful, hypocritical, miser…like me.
Thanks God!
Please excuse me now, I really need to take this phone call…
(If you would like to encourage Rob on his faith journey or have taken any encouragement from his story, send him a note at: FeelingLikeGod@evergreenlife.org)
UPDATE
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