Living Outside My Box

Lately, I have been reflecting on how I have grownup in a box. Not a bubble, but a box. A fairly typical box, if I do say so myself. The sides of my box were not rough or imposing, but solid. My box was not very strong or well built, yet it had the power to keep me encased. In really it limited a lot of development.

Within the box was little space to move around and wiggle. From the inside I could see others outside. As much as I bumped up against the sides of my box and wished I could escape it, I kind of liked it. I did find it offered security and restraint. I learned to live and function within its boundaries for decades not even knowing it existed.

What got me thinking about my box was a book. Not a book I have read, but one I happen to have in our house. The author of this book is creative and gifted. So, I started thinking about other creative, gifted and innovative people I have heard of or know.

I have always admired artist, writers and geniuses, so I began thinking, “What makes them creative?” “How did they think up their ground-breaking ideas?” “Where did this capacity come from?”

Now, I tell myself I am not very creative. I think I am more left-brained and analytical than not. But, I want to be creative, refreshing and a visionary. This is what got me thinking about my box.

My box is a list of boundaries keeping my ideas and my views, thus me, contained. Here is a short list:
§ What if I fail?
§ What will people think?
§ I have a need to likeg.
§ How did the person before me do it?
§ What seemed to work for other people?
§ Am I smart enough?
§ How can I impress people?
All of these and others create a box that holds me, keeps me safe and stunts my growth.

Knowing this is step #1 in getting outside my box. This is the fish noticing the water in its bowl. Step #2 would be to stop telling myself I am not innovative or imaginative. Step #3 requires I put myself in positions where I have to think outside my box. This in turns leads to step #4: finding my own voice.

In the past I have leaned on others to force me outside the walls of my box or to expand my mental horizons. Now, I just need to kick them down myself.
In conjunction with finding my voice it was crucial to develop a “B.S. Meter.” This is the instinctive feeling I get when I think I have crawled outside my box only to find I have never really left. This alarm sounds telling me I am not being true to who I am. This meter registers a high B.S. count most often used when I write. I feel it when I try too hard to be provocative, sound intelligent or be profound.

I believe it is when I am true to my voice, my perspective on life and to my ideas that I am at my most creative, most original and most prophetic. It is when I trust my instinct, allowing it to breath its first breath that I feel honest and comfortable in my own skin.

Some may not like my voice. Some may not appreciate my vision. Some may not understand my views, but others will.

Creative genius was not always seen as brilliance. At one point it was insanity, absurdity and ridiculous. It is only when others in the world feel a draw or a resonance with a crazy thought, expression or dream that it becomes innovative. It is when a prophet's voice speaks the words thought by 10,000 minds that it crosses from marginal to mainstream.

But how will others hear my voice, understand my thoughts or see my visions? I must live outside of my box, tearing down its walls and give birth to that which grows inside me, not matter the pain involved.