Tuesday, August 28, 2007

The first day of school

Sam's birthday is going to be a day of demarcation. Not only because it celebrates his entrance into the world, but it also will symbolize that school starts soon. This year it means that school starts the next day. Sunday was Sam's 1st birthday and yesterday school started for Jake and Ben.

As normal Debra has incorporated the creative study of scripture into their school days. Yesterday proved to be an interesting day of theological conversation with Jake, while Ben intently listened.

While looking at the ideas of the Big Bang and biblical creation and explaining the natural decline of our physical world from good to bad, Jake had some profound questions rolling around in his 8 years mind:

"How do we know we were made good and became bad? What if we were bad and became good and went bad again?"

"How do we know God is good?"

"How do we know there is a God anyway?"

"I don't know that I believe in God."

All of these questions are great! I am astounded he is thinking about things like this. I am glad he is willing to share his thoughts on God with us. He hides little of where he is at spiritually.

Now, a while back I might have really worried about questions and doubts like these from an little kid. But right now, I'm not. Jake most likely will have a very intellectual faith (like his fathers)and will need to see and understand facts and evidence. I just hope to comes to appreciate the mystery side of faith as well. Like his namesake, my little boy is wrestling with God.

Is this not what the path of spiritual growth is all about?

Monday, August 27, 2007

Chirst Follower vs. Christian




There are others. Check'm out.

A Double Life

Not many of the people I see most often know I live a double life. I'm talking mainly about the people I work with, but there are others. I see some of them every week, everyday and some are as close as family and yet they don't know my other side. Now, I am not talking about my fascination with collecting Hot Wheels (not really), or my propensity to read everything Dr. Seuss wrote in Spanish (not true either) or my passion for fresh rhubarb pie (who would make a dessert out of a vegetable anyway! "who wants some cauliflower cheesecake?"). But I am talking my calling to serve Christ.

Most don't know I used to be a pastor. Yes, they know I am Christian, but not a pastor...

None of them know this blog exists or if they do, I am unaware of it.

Most don't know about my education. I really do try to keep talk like that out of most conversations...

Most don't know I want to and am actively working on returning to being a pastor/teacher...

No one knows I like to write about the messy side of faith as seen through the weird lenses of my own mind...

...and I really have to ask myself why this is?

I guess they don't know because, ultimately, I don't let them. If I don't tell them, there is a lot less explaining I have to do. I think in this explanation there is a denial of reality. If I don't explain my life circumstances to people then maybe I can go one thinking certain things didn't really happen, they were not as hurtful as they were or I own less of that part of my life then I actually do.

Part of it is self preservation. I need a job and money to pay bill, put shoes on feet and food on the table. If my boss knew I was out looking for a path back into vocational ministry, maybe,though really doubtful, he might let me go.

No matter what the answer is, one thing is clear. The less I disclose to people, the less I am me. The more I share with others, the more I can be who I am and who God created me to be.

Too Long...

So, it has been a long time since I have written anything here...too long. I guess one of the points of a blog is to write about when life is good and when it is not. For about four years life is not been so good, but lately it was taken an burdensome turn. However, I think concentrating too much on the weighty things of life, just makes them heavier. So, I am hoping to write more here as an outlet.

I want to thank Jane and Aaron for their encouragement to keep blogging.

Well, no time like the present...