Letting go...

There is a tree in our "backyard." It is not really in our backyard, but it sits in the middle of a huge field right behind our house. It is a great tree. As a family we have walked out to it several times over the years. It is a climbing tree. A tree for tree houses. Good for swings and club meetings. Part of what makes it so great is the fact that it is in an undeveloped field that gets plowed only once a year. This time of year the grass is growing tall around the tree. It is truly a beautiful site out our kitchen window.

(Transition)

Jacob turns 8 in a couple days. My oldest is growing so fast. This past week we let him and a friend go out to the tree by themselves! There they started a club, but are not sure what for. They like to play hide-and-go-seek in the tall grass. There try to climb the tree to see the remains of an old fort it once held. They even tried to ride their bikes through the field to get to the Tree.

When Jake is at the tree he is the farthest away from me he has ever been, while completely unsupervised! For a control freak father this is a little nerve raking. But it has to be done. He has to grow up. He needs to hang out with his friends and be a boy! What more could a group of 8 and 9 year boys ask for: 1) an open field in which to play 2) a tree to offer protection from raiders, buccaneers and space aliens 3) a irrigation channel with water in it! This is all boy paradise, even when the girls do show up.

I long for the days when "The Brothers" will reminisce about the field and the Tree with their own children. Both will be larger than life. I am sure they will recall legendary battles, heroic feats and great explorations (they have already found a duck egg and a big bone). The Tree will be mythic in their minds, as will the vast plains of the field. This is how it should be. This is what I want for them. I would have it no other way, despite my unease.

Now starts the slow pull of life changing my boys into men.

Next...

Well, today was to be the day I was to inform my boss about my desire to demote and scale back my hours for the purpose of spending more time at Evergreen. Needless to say that did not happen. God has seen fit to keep me going on the course I am. So what does this mean...I don't really know. Here are a few possible ideas:

• Now is not the right time.
• Evergreen is not the right place.
• I am not the right person.
• This was not right course of action.

It is clear that 3 out of the above 4 are painfully true. However, I do believe that Evergreen is the right place. Since this is my conviction, I am going to try and cut off any leaks in my spare time to give to Evergreen. I will take my 3-4 hours a week (instead of the 30-40 hours I was hoping to have) and do exactly what I was planning on doing.
I do not see this as any kind of rebellion or my way of giving God the finger for not coming through for us, but a way of being faithful to his calling and gifting of me. I am no rocket scientist, but I have figured out God has gifted me to do certain things, things I love to do, so I'm going to do them.
Maybe at some time in the future God will see fit to rectify the other 3 variables and things will be different...then again maybe not.

Love thy Neighbor

Last Sunday I went to a symposium on Islam at the invite of my neighbor, an Ahmadi Muslim. This gathering was sponsored by the Ahmadiyya Muslim Community, which is a sect of Islam outside the mainstream. The topic for discussion was, “Islam: A Religion of violence or peace?” At this symposium I learned a great deal about this brand of Islam:

• God used one last prophet (Hazrat Mirza Ghulam Ahmad Qadiani 1835-19080) to restore the message of Mohammad, which has been corrupted through out time.
• Their motto is, "Love for All, Hatred for None."
• Jihad (lit.: to strive) has 3 meanings: 1) Akbar- to strive against one's evil tendencies and improve. This is the greatest jihad 2) Kabeer- to strive against evil teachings, evil designs and evil plans 3) Ashgar- to wage war against the enemies of the freedom of religion.
• In there view all people of the word are equal.
• There is no compulsion in religion; believe do don't.
• Pictures of Mohammad with a sword in one hand and the Koran in the other are caricatures created by others outside Islam and not truthful representations of the prophet.
• Jesus was a prophet and a reformer come to reestablish the Law of Moses.

It is this last point that had me squirming in my sit. I said to myself, "that is not who Jesus is. You have totally misunderstood the gospels and the rest of the New Testament." Then, as I was running down a list of who Jesus is according to his presentation of himself, it dawned on me and I thought, "of course they have misunderstood Jesus! It is clear and reasonable to see that their view of Jesus is different then the Bible's. If they did have a biblical view of Jesus and grasped him as God's Messiah sent to restore and rescue all of creation on our behalf, they would not be Muslims. They would be Christians!"

Nonetheless, I enjoyed my time at the symposium and enjoy my time talking with my neighbor. I will have to spend more time with him.

Nothing Good

I have been working 11 and 12 hour days this week. I will write something provocative (not just maybe silly) soon. I'm just too burned out right now.

Google Fun

Here’s what we "need" apparently. (Google your name and the word "needs" and see what comes up. These are the first 12). Kind of funny.

CHIP needs to find a home with all adults to care for her. (wow, I am female and apparently a pet)
Chip Needs A Third Less Power (reverse this one)
chip needs more UML like a hole in the head (I don't even know what UML is/are)
chip needs a new home (in PDX would be great, at about 52nd and Powell. Can someone make this happen?)
CHIP Needs Outside Investigation (is my past catching up to me?)
chip needs to be programmed and how it answers at the first commands (my parents tried this a long time ago and it didn't work)
chip needs to be vortexed using an IKA vortexer (yeah baby! bring in on! anyone know what this means?)
Chip needs to be able to be easily updated throughout (this is fo sure)
chip needs to travel (Scotland is calling)
"Chip" Needs A Hug (every day, thanks Deb!)
chip needs to be worn during the race to receive an official time (huh?)
chip needs to be returned (Not useless I am "new and unused" , within 90 days of purchase and with a receipt. does anyone have my receipt?)

Debra needs to read and write (yes)
Debra needs To go (no)
Debra needs to pray for us (yes)
Debra needs to be set loose on the world. (yes)
Debra needs to solve the math problems correctly(not so much)
DebRA needs your help (yes)
Debra needs your financial support (yes)
Debra needs therapy (no, well she is married to me! yes!)
Debra needs to stop having surgeries before she looks like Michael Jackson. (naaa! I like Michael)
Debra needs a photo to post (yes)
Debra needs to reorder (no)
Debra needs to update her resume (no, she has the perfect job)

2554 Days

Seven years ago today my Dad died.

I remember every emotion I felt that day.

Deb was in SoCal. for a seminary class and I was at home in NorCal. with Jake when my Dad was admitted into the hospital. This was no big deal, because he had been admitted so many times before.

Dad had develop some gang green in one of his big toes and it was most likely going to be amputated. This is not uncommon for diabetics who's kidneys are failing and have been on dialysis.

But as the day progress, the gang green started to speared. Soon
he was going to lose his foot, then part of his leg. The ironic part now
is I had a harder time dealing with the thought of him losing
a limb and I did with losing him.

As the day turned into night, his body started to shut down. My Mom called and wanted me to speak with the doctors. Knowing what was coming the family, with my blessing, decided that no heroic action would be taken to prolong Dad's life.

I hung up the phone and fall to the floor sobbing. I knew my Dad would die that night. I called my best friend and left a message telling him what was happening. I grab Jake, my keys and a suit case of clothes and headed for SoCal. Little did I know that less then a half hour after I left, my
Dad was gone.

I never had the chance to say a final good bye. I did not get to tell him I loved him. I never had the chance to bless him before he met his Creator.

Seven years ago I lost my father, my friend, my teacher, my mentor, my guide and I miss him everyday.

I love you Dad.

This Place

Tomorrow, I will get up before the dawn,

to prepare myself for another day.

Even now, I dread what needs to be done.

I must go to a place that is not my own.

There I will be something I am not.

This place, it steals my energy,

clouds my mind,

and darkens my soul.

This is not like a trip to the dentist or a session at the gym.

These can be skipped with no dire consequence.

No, tomorrow before the sun rises I will get sucked into another world

and play a miscast role.

Oddly enough, my life and the lives of others depend on me going.

This place provides food, clothes, health and shelter.

Although, the price for these is high.

Not in dollars, but in sense.

My currency is time,

meaning,

purpose.

I wish I didn’t have to go.

I wish I could be me.

I wish I could be who I am created to be.

I wish I could...

Love,

Think,

Write,

Talk,

Pray,

Read,

Worship,

Relax,

Play,

Share,

Impart,

Encourage,

Challenge,

Teach…

But I can’t.

I am the keeper of an unsatisfied hunger.

This place, it calls to me at night.

It disrupts my sleep.

I feel beholden and trapped,

restricted and restrained.

I could just not go, but what then?…what then?…what then?

Alas, tomorrow the sun will rise and I will be there.

I will give all I have for someone else’s vision.

and I will continue to wait.

Tomorrow will be like the rest.

I will go, I must go.

Tired and frustrated I will return,

burdened with the hope of another life,

yet preparing for the next sunrise.

Father give me peace.

"Make me know Your ways, O Lord; Teach me Your paths. Lead me in Your truth and teach me, For You are the God of my salvation; For You I wait all the day.^{" Ps 25:4-5}